A Lesson on Fear {Just in time for Allume!}

As soon as I got comfortably seated at my computer a few nights ago I heard a cry from the boys' bedroom. It had been storming and the thunder was loud and the lightening bright outside the windows. Our youngest was scared because we forgot to turn the night light on in his room and the storm outside didn't help his case.

I walked in and asked him what was wrong and listened to his tearful, panicked voice. Despite the fact that Daddy had already been in to turn the night light on, his little heart was still fearful. So, we did what my husband and I try to teach the boys to do when they're scared - We prayed.

I laid my hand on my sweet little boy's back and began praying that the holy spirit would be with him, that He would bring peace. I began thanking God for the rain and how it brings water to the grass and the trees and the crops in the field. I thanked God for the thunder and the lightening that shows the hand of a mighty God who created this earth and everything in it. I spoke Jeremiah 29:11 to reassure my little one that God has plans for our good. And I thanked God for loving us, for providing a safe home where we're protected, and for letting me be this little boy's mommy who's entrusted with loving, protecting, and teaching him.

As we finished praying there was a noticeable calmness in Jackson's breathing, to the point where I wondered if he had fallen asleep. He hadn't, he just turned and looked at me and flashed his signature big grin, told me he needed to go potty just one more time {a nightly declaration in hopes of having just a few more minutes before having to go to bed}, and then snuggled his favorite stuffed doggy and went right to sleep.

I gave myself a figurative pat-on-the-back for a mommy job-well-done and came back to my computer where I stumbled upon two posts that really stirred my heart. One from Kristen Welch at InCourage and one from Alia at Narrow Paths to Higher Places. {You really should read both of those!} I connected with both of these posts so deeply because I have been the girl that they both wrote about so many times. The new girl, the girl looking for a place to fit amongst people already in their comfort zone. I lived it in middle school, in college, as soon as I got married and moved away from my beloved Tennessee {and all my sweet family that make Tennessee home}, and I've been living it again over the last three years that we've lived in Southern Illinois. And now I'm on the verge of jumping in the unknown again as I head to my very first blogging conference today.

I'm excited to go, and I completely feel like it's something God has called me to, but if I'm honest, I'm also completely terrified. I've watched the twitter steams and facebook posts of internet friends who can't wait to meet or reconnect in real life, and I'm truly excited for them, but I'm also scared that in the midst of all these women kindling friendships I'll be awkwardly walking around solo praying for someone to notice me and think I'm worth having a chat with.

Overwhelmed with my fears, I walked into the living room, announced to my husband I was going to bed for the night where he instead talked me into sitting with him for a few minutes. As I sat there I started thinking about what had happened earlier with Jackson and how I prayed for him when he was scared, and it hit me. Why am I not praying about my own fear? I should be thanking God for the wisdom I know is going to rain down on us while we're gathered together. I should be thanking God for the loud noise of women's conversations as they we fellowship, and the bright camera flashes capturing the joy this event will bring.

I'm a "new girl" going to Allume. I don't have a perfect blog and I don't have a ton of internet friends that are dying to see me when I pull up in Harrisburg, but I have a God who loves me and has called me to go, so I'm going, with a suitcase of cute clothes and open expectations. I'm hoping blog improvement and new friends are a result of obedience, but if not, I know whatever God has planned for me is for my good.
11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the Lordand I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.     Jeremiah 29:11-14


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